Nerd Jokes

Descartes walks into a bar and orders champagne, explaining that he is celebrating a major philosophical breakthrough. The bartender gives him his drink. Descartes downs it all in one gulp.
The bartender, trying not to look surprised, asks, "Would you like another?"
Descartes says, "I think not."
And he disappears!

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Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

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A civil engineer, a chemist, and a mechanical engineer are at a party. Somehow, the topic of religion comes up. "God must be a mechanical engineer," says the ME, "look at the thought and artistry that is a skeletal system. All those moving parts, working togeather in unison... it's a thing of beauty." The chemist replies, "No, no, you have it all wrong. Everything in life can be reduced to chemical reactions. Only a chemist could have created all that there is by using such complex sets of reactions." The civil engineer just laughs and says, "You're both full of it. Of course God is a civil engineer: who else would run a waste disposal system through a recreation area?"

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A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside. They see two people walk into a house; a few minutes later, three walk out.

"Our initial count must not have been accurate", the physicist says.

"No, it's simple! They must have reproduced," says the biologist.

But the mathematician says, "Now, if exactly one person walks into the house, it will be empty again."

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An engineer, a mathematician, and a statistician are out hunting birds. One flies up out of the brush, and the engineer fires. Unfortunately, he was about a foot too low. The three keep walking, and soon run across another bird. The mathematician fires, but is about a foot above. The statistician pumps his fist into the air and says, "All right! We got it!"

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A doctor, priest and engineer are playing golf one day. All goes well until they reach the ninth hole and they get stuck behind these really weird guys, looking completely lost, hitting the balls all over the place and just taking forever... Not wanted to cause a scene (gotta maintain golf course etiquette) the three instead go to the greens manager and ask him about the weird group.
Greens Manager: "That is a tragic story... those three are firemen and during a big fire here at the clubhouse one day they saved us all and the building, but unfortunately they lost their sight in the process so now they are heroes here and we let them play for free"
Priest: "That is a touching story. I shall pray to God tonight and hope that he might do something to ease their pain."
Doctor: "I too have been touched by that story... Me and my colleagues will focus our research on helping the blind."
Engineer: "Why can't they play at night?"

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a physicist, a chemist and a statisician all are in a room, sudenly, a fire starts

the physcist goes: quick, remove the heat

the chemist goes: no, remove the oxygen

and the statsician starts running around madly starting fires

the other scream: what are you doing

and he replies: getting a decent sample size

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Well, thats the thing about Binary humour.
Its either funny or its not.

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An engineering student is studying in the quad of his college campus when a fellow engineering student rides up to him on what looks to be a new bicycle.

The first engineer asks, "Where did you get that spiffy bicycle?"

The second replied, "It's a funny story, actually. I was walking to class this morning when this beautiful woman rode up next to me on this very bicycle, jumped off, tore off all of her clothes and shouted 'Take what you want!'"

The first engineer pondered for a moment and said, "That was a good choice, you wouldn't have fit into her clothes anyway."

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Silver and Iron were in a bar. Gold walks in, and iron say "eh you, get outta here!"

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