Wednesday, April 25
Thursday, April 19
Thursday, January 25
Friday, January 19
Wednesday, January 17
Happy Birthday Beth Schroeder!
On January 21st that is. She is having some festivities for the honor on Saturday so get in touch with her for the details.
By the way Beth....you're how old??
Haha. In honor of your special day...I give you....The Happy Dance!
By the way Beth....you're how old??
Haha. In honor of your special day...I give you....The Happy Dance!
Tuesday, January 16
Wednesday, January 3
Thursday, December 28
Nerd Jokes
Descartes walks into a bar and orders champagne, explaining that he is celebrating a major philosophical breakthrough. The bartender gives him his drink. Descartes downs it all in one gulp.
The bartender, trying not to look surprised, asks, "Would you like another?"
Descartes says, "I think not."
And he disappears!
----
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----
A civil engineer, a chemist, and a mechanical engineer are at a party. Somehow, the topic of religion comes up. "God must be a mechanical engineer," says the ME, "look at the thought and artistry that is a skeletal system. All those moving parts, working togeather in unison... it's a thing of beauty." The chemist replies, "No, no, you have it all wrong. Everything in life can be reduced to chemical reactions. Only a chemist could have created all that there is by using such complex sets of reactions." The civil engineer just laughs and says, "You're both full of it. Of course God is a civil engineer: who else would run a waste disposal system through a recreation area?"
----
A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside. They see two people walk into a house; a few minutes later, three walk out.
"Our initial count must not have been accurate", the physicist says.
"No, it's simple! They must have reproduced," says the biologist.
But the mathematician says, "Now, if exactly one person walks into the house, it will be empty again."
----
An engineer, a mathematician, and a statistician are out hunting birds. One flies up out of the brush, and the engineer fires. Unfortunately, he was about a foot too low. The three keep walking, and soon run across another bird. The mathematician fires, but is about a foot above. The statistician pumps his fist into the air and says, "All right! We got it!"
----
A doctor, priest and engineer are playing golf one day. All goes well until they reach the ninth hole and they get stuck behind these really weird guys, looking completely lost, hitting the balls all over the place and just taking forever... Not wanted to cause a scene (gotta maintain golf course etiquette) the three instead go to the greens manager and ask him about the weird group.
Greens Manager: "That is a tragic story... those three are firemen and during a big fire here at the clubhouse one day they saved us all and the building, but unfortunately they lost their sight in the process so now they are heroes here and we let them play for free"
Priest: "That is a touching story. I shall pray to God tonight and hope that he might do something to ease their pain."
Doctor: "I too have been touched by that story... Me and my colleagues will focus our research on helping the blind."
Engineer: "Why can't they play at night?"
----
a physicist, a chemist and a statisician all are in a room, sudenly, a fire starts
the physcist goes: quick, remove the heat
the chemist goes: no, remove the oxygen
and the statsician starts running around madly starting fires
the other scream: what are you doing
and he replies: getting a decent sample size
----
Well, thats the thing about Binary humour.
Its either funny or its not.
----
An engineering student is studying in the quad of his college campus when a fellow engineering student rides up to him on what looks to be a new bicycle.
The first engineer asks, "Where did you get that spiffy bicycle?"
The second replied, "It's a funny story, actually. I was walking to class this morning when this beautiful woman rode up next to me on this very bicycle, jumped off, tore off all of her clothes and shouted 'Take what you want!'"
The first engineer pondered for a moment and said, "That was a good choice, you wouldn't have fit into her clothes anyway."
----
Silver and Iron were in a bar. Gold walks in, and iron say "eh you, get outta here!"
----
The bartender, trying not to look surprised, asks, "Would you like another?"
Descartes says, "I think not."
And he disappears!
----
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----
A civil engineer, a chemist, and a mechanical engineer are at a party. Somehow, the topic of religion comes up. "God must be a mechanical engineer," says the ME, "look at the thought and artistry that is a skeletal system. All those moving parts, working togeather in unison... it's a thing of beauty." The chemist replies, "No, no, you have it all wrong. Everything in life can be reduced to chemical reactions. Only a chemist could have created all that there is by using such complex sets of reactions." The civil engineer just laughs and says, "You're both full of it. Of course God is a civil engineer: who else would run a waste disposal system through a recreation area?"
----
A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside. They see two people walk into a house; a few minutes later, three walk out.
"Our initial count must not have been accurate", the physicist says.
"No, it's simple! They must have reproduced," says the biologist.
But the mathematician says, "Now, if exactly one person walks into the house, it will be empty again."
----
An engineer, a mathematician, and a statistician are out hunting birds. One flies up out of the brush, and the engineer fires. Unfortunately, he was about a foot too low. The three keep walking, and soon run across another bird. The mathematician fires, but is about a foot above. The statistician pumps his fist into the air and says, "All right! We got it!"
----
A doctor, priest and engineer are playing golf one day. All goes well until they reach the ninth hole and they get stuck behind these really weird guys, looking completely lost, hitting the balls all over the place and just taking forever... Not wanted to cause a scene (gotta maintain golf course etiquette) the three instead go to the greens manager and ask him about the weird group.
Greens Manager: "That is a tragic story... those three are firemen and during a big fire here at the clubhouse one day they saved us all and the building, but unfortunately they lost their sight in the process so now they are heroes here and we let them play for free"
Priest: "That is a touching story. I shall pray to God tonight and hope that he might do something to ease their pain."
Doctor: "I too have been touched by that story... Me and my colleagues will focus our research on helping the blind."
Engineer: "Why can't they play at night?"
----
a physicist, a chemist and a statisician all are in a room, sudenly, a fire starts
the physcist goes: quick, remove the heat
the chemist goes: no, remove the oxygen
and the statsician starts running around madly starting fires
the other scream: what are you doing
and he replies: getting a decent sample size
----
Well, thats the thing about Binary humour.
Its either funny or its not.
----
An engineering student is studying in the quad of his college campus when a fellow engineering student rides up to him on what looks to be a new bicycle.
The first engineer asks, "Where did you get that spiffy bicycle?"
The second replied, "It's a funny story, actually. I was walking to class this morning when this beautiful woman rode up next to me on this very bicycle, jumped off, tore off all of her clothes and shouted 'Take what you want!'"
The first engineer pondered for a moment and said, "That was a good choice, you wouldn't have fit into her clothes anyway."
----
Silver and Iron were in a bar. Gold walks in, and iron say "eh you, get outta here!"
----
Wednesday, December 27
Merry Christmas / Happy New Year
Yea and that stuff. I'm getting lazy, here enjoy this last Christmas present:
Now bugger off.
Now bugger off.
Wednesday, December 20
Tuesday, December 5
Thursday, November 30
Wednesday, November 22
Contest Update
Yes, it is late in getting on here but as I already explained I've been busy. The chances of me being at Fry's tonight are slim. But there is still a chance. In the event that I am not, you have until December 1st to contact me either by comment here, call me, email me, or talk to me if you see me. Unless I am there, then the normal rules apply.
So in spirit of working 12 hour days, take two of these and don't call me...
So in spirit of working 12 hour days, take two of these and don't call me...
Monday, November 20
Long Time No Blog
Well as you may have noticed there hasn't been much going on here lately. Unfortunately that is not true in my real life. Work has been keeping me pretty busy so my personal time has become quite valuable. After this week things should cool off and you will return to your normal schedule of blog updates but until then hold tight.
As for the contest, it will be cut short to the existing list of items (15). Here are the original prizes:
1 Grand Prize of 100 dollars cash for all 25 items.
1st runner up: Bottle of Captain Morgan (with a minimum of 20 items)
2nd runner up: Bottle of Wild Turkey (with a minimum of 20 items)
Participant Prize: Participants not receiving a prize but have at least 15 items will receive a complimentary prize.
Now for the new shortened prizes:
1 Grand Prize of 100 dollars cash for all 15 items.
1st runner up: Bottle of Captain Morgan (with a minimum of 10 items)
2nd runner up: Bottle of Wild Turkey (with a minimum of 10 items)
Participant Prize: Participants not receiving a prize but have at least 5 items will receive a complimentary prize.
As for the contest, it will be cut short to the existing list of items (15). Here are the original prizes:
1 Grand Prize of 100 dollars cash for all 25 items.
1st runner up: Bottle of Captain Morgan (with a minimum of 20 items)
2nd runner up: Bottle of Wild Turkey (with a minimum of 20 items)
Participant Prize: Participants not receiving a prize but have at least 15 items will receive a complimentary prize.
Now for the new shortened prizes:
1 Grand Prize of 100 dollars cash for all 15 items.
1st runner up: Bottle of Captain Morgan (with a minimum of 10 items)
2nd runner up: Bottle of Wild Turkey (with a minimum of 10 items)
Participant Prize: Participants not receiving a prize but have at least 5 items will receive a complimentary prize.
Friday, November 10
3 More Things To Hold You Over For The Weekend
* County brochure from Tuscarawas County in Ohio
* A beer brewed in Hawaii
* Socks with the Columbus Crew logo on them
* A beer brewed in Hawaii
* Socks with the Columbus Crew logo on them
Wednesday, November 8
Trivia - It's Back But Is It As Hard?
Prize: I'll buy you a beer the next time we are at the bar.
What was the 468 square mile area of land called that was once being fought over between Ohio and one of it's neighbors?
What was the 468 square mile area of land called that was once being fought over between Ohio and one of it's neighbors?
Tuesday, November 7
Go Vote
and try not to vote for a convicted child molester this time.
Oh and 2 more things...
* Coolie Cup from Ed's Tavern
* Ohio License Plate from 1991-1996 (http://www.worldlicenceplates.com/usa/US_OHXX.html) that has the letters E and D on it.
Oh and 2 more things...
* Coolie Cup from Ed's Tavern
* Ohio License Plate from 1991-1996 (http://www.worldlicenceplates.com/usa/US_OHXX.html) that has the letters E and D on it.
Friday, November 3
Over Half Way There
Here's the list so far:
* A coin set from 2001 (penny, nickel, dime, quarter, half dollar, Sacagawea)
* A 8-Track Tape from any album released in 1980
* Picture of you and 2 other people doing seperate keg stands simultaneously (3 keg stands at once)
* Airline ticket to a non-American destination
* 1 Laser Disc of any Star Wars movie (not DVD)
* Currency from foreign countries on 4 of the 7 continents (excluding Canada and Mexico)
* A hospital wristband from 4 different hospitals (Ambulatory care counts the same as the main hospital)
* 1 Issue of Pboy from every decade since it started
* 3 Postcards or letters postmarked from countries on different continents (excluding USA)
* Sears catalog 2000 or older
* A Natural Light, Busch Light, and Bud Light can with the born on date 10/23
* University degree from a college outside of Ohio
* Picture of you standing by each "Welcome to X" sign. X being the name of each state that borders Ohio. (that's 5 pictures)
More Items
Ohhh. Have 2 good ones for you this time:
* University degree from a college outside of Ohio
* Picture of you standing by each "Welcome to X" sign. X being the name of each state that borders Ohio. (that's 5 pictures)
* University degree from a college outside of Ohio
* Picture of you standing by each "Welcome to X" sign. X being the name of each state that borders Ohio. (that's 5 pictures)
Thursday, November 2
Vote For The Best Thing Ever!
Go here and vote. Great site made by a guy who does some really funny comics. Check it out.
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