Wednesday, October 29

Stupidity Awards

I get these emails a lot but this one had a few good ones. Enjoy!

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California, would-be robber James Eliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting
negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental ospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was
simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at
you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was aught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a
positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because
he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When
the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.


10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

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